


losing himself

by spcckyroses



Category: Uncharted (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Breakdown, Other, Uncharted 4, uncharted - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 02:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13801752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spcckyroses/pseuds/spcckyroses
Summary: based on a rafe playlist i found on spotify. au where rafe survives. the reader is rafe's significant other before, after, and during uncharted 4's events. the reader left rafe believing she was dead but then she suddenly comes back.





	losing himself

the sun is setting.

“so, how’ve you been?” you ask.

“i don’t know,” rafe replies instantly.

“look, you could at least talk to me.”

“no.”

you give up trying to make small talk, walking over to the other side of the counter he was sitting at and leaning across it, reaching for his hand.

you intertwine you two’s fingers. “i thought about you every day,” he mumbles.

you can tell he’s trying to get into something but you can’t put your finger on what it is. “yeah?” was the only words you could come up with.

“you .. you should’ve told me.”

 _‘ how was i supposed to?_ ‘ you thought.

“told you?”

he lets go of your hands. “that you made it.”

 _‘ it was hard for me too. ‘_ “why did you assume the worst?”

“i .. i never thought of any option but you dying.”

_‘ well, i’m not dead. ‘_

“you said you saw a grave.”

“yeah,” he nodded.

“and you thought my family would just bury me without a word to you?”

“what the hell else was i supposed to think?”

you two were talking about the events of the fancy. when it burned down and only you, rafe, nathan, and sam were in there as nadine had already closed the exit. it’d been two years since the incident and this was the first time you’d talked.

you had never been able to come back to him without being hunted. it was better for his safety that you stayed away. but he couldn’t understand that.

“i just wish things were completely different,” he frowned.

you didn’t say anything, letting him continue.

“part of me wishes you had died. not because i want you dead. not like that at all, but just because i had finally moved on and now here you are again.”

“i can’t help the fact that i didn’t die, rafe.”

“i know, i know ..”

“i’m sorry.”

**and then it happens.**

**right in front of you.**

he. loses. it.

he paces back and forth, he mutters curses, he’s screaming, he’s crying, he’s exerting the most emotion you’ve seen from the man since you met. he’s enraged. he’s upset. he’s regretful. he’s everything at once and he hates it.

everything is happening at once.

the water is filling up in the pool that is his mind.

he’s looking at the ligaments in his hands as he feels like everything in him is disintegrating. yeah, you didn’t die. but him? he’s dying right here and right now. or at least that’s what it feels like. it feels like everything is miles away, it feels like everything that he wants is miles away and it’s unobtainable so why even try?

you don’t know what to do. you don’t know what to say. no one trained you for this. you’ve been through some of the most intense military training one can go through and you aren’t prepared for this. you aren’t prepared for everything you love and everything you ever wanted shattering right in front of you and that everything being one man.

rafe meant everything to you. and you didn’t mean to hurt him when you left. you didn’t mean for him to go through the pain that he so obviously went through but if you would’ve came home .. ‘ _i did this to protect you. ‘_

you know what you did was for the best.

it was for the best.

it had to have been.

_‘ there was no other way. ‘_

_‘ i couldn’t have saved him. ‘_

_‘ we can still fix this .. right? ‘_

“[y/n]?”

“i’m here.”

“you’re not.”

“i am.”

“you’re crying.”

_‘ there was a better way. ‘_

_‘ this is all my fault. ‘_

he looks at you, sitting back down on the barstool, his breath still going to fast for comfort but he tries to calm himself down. he tries to realize that all this is just hurting you, that he’s not doing anything to help you by going off on a tangent and throwing a minor temper tantrum but he can’t help it. give the man some credit here. “let go of me,” you say.

he lets go of your hand.

_‘ he let go. ‘_

now he’s crying, screaming, “you’re okay.”

_‘ but i’m not okay. ‘_

_‘ what was i supposed to do? ‘_

was there a way you could’ve prevented all this? you don’t know. and maybe that’s what hurts the most. maybe that’s what made you leave him yet again, this time getting to hear him screaming for you to come back but ignoring it as you shut the door behind you.

you couldn’t do this.

“that was the right thing to do .. right?” you sit with your legs crossed in your best friend’s kitchen floor, crying tears of you don’t even know what emotion.

“he was screaming at me not to go, but i still left.”

“you know how i feel about him screaming at you.”

“not the time.”

you looked down at your bloody fingertips that you’d been picking at nervously.

“why? why did you walk out?”

you peel the skin from the side of your index finger.

“i don’t know.”

but what you don’t know is that you weren’t able to get away from him with just that. he was determined to fix whatever this mess was.

“it just felt right.”

“it felt right to leave him behind?”

“look, it was a spur of the moment decision.”

“look, i’m not questioning your decisions. your life, not mine. i’m just saying that you spend two years away from him and then leave him again? sounds fishy.”

suddenly, the alarm that makes a beep when someone opens the door sounds and you and your friend look at each other with wide eyes. “[y/n]?”

your friend looks at you with a furrowed brow, instantly recognizing the voice and pulling you behind her. “is he insane ..?”

“in here, rafe ..”

“listen, i get it. i’m sorry i went off i- i never meant to scare you.”

“rafe, you have to understand. nadine wanted us apart. she wanted us apart and nathan dead. she ended up getting that last one and to think of her getting the first .. i-”

“listen,” your best friend cuts you off before you can finish. “you two love each other and wish it didn’t turn out this way. just leave it at that and kiss and make up already.”

“look, i’m sorry, rafe. i thought i was protecting you.”

“thank you ..”

“of course .. i love you.”

“so, we’re okay?”

“yes. we’re finally okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> my first rafe fic! and my first angst fic! well, other than sspts but that one isn't as intense as this. follow me on tumblr for more dorky uncharted rambles! @/frazersmile


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